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An Imaginary Conversation Featuring Objects in the Rental Apartment I’m Staying In

story-tub

Imposing Black Leather Chestfield: Is ve gone?

Internet Connection: …y.. he i… …on.

Leaky Bathtub Faucet: Bpbb! Blet’s Barbpbty!

Area Rug: Yeah! Party! Wooo! I’m going to ****** you in the ***** until the ***** of ***** ****** with a glacier!

Imposing Black Leather Chesterfield: Vat iz gross.

Area Rug: I cannot help that I am dirty.

Internet Connection: Ha ….a ….a ….h… …a!

Fluorescent Light in Kitchen that Turns On and Off By Itself: HEY GUYS! WHAT’S UP! Wooo! Looks like someone started a par-

Area Rug: Hey, Confusing Air Conditioning Remote what do you say to me and you ******* and ****** when the ******** is around ****** ***** ** yogurt?

Confusing Air Conditioning Remote: Apple sunshine vous ping ping barstool.

Leaky Bathtub Faucet: Bgpgpb! Bpoming Gack!

Internet Connection: …hat?

Leaky Bathtub Faucet: Bgpgpb! Bpoming Gack!

Area Rug: Oh ***** that ******* ****** with the devilishly large ***** is coming back into the  ****** apartment for something!

Imposing Black Leather Chestfield: Everyvody quiet! Put avay vat drink! Shhhhh!

….

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Fluorescent Light in Kitchen that Turns On and Off By Itself: -TAY!