Most days I find myself going to a local restaurant to grab a masala chai to go. Today awaiting for me at the entrance was one of those UWS bugaboo-using super-moms with a baby in a stroller and toddler in tow. She was totally standing in front on the door having a conversation on her cellphone paying neither me nor her kids any mind.
I finally had to tap her on the arm and give her a patented Glark “ya mind?” look. She didn’t get out of the way but decided that she just had to be first in so she did the cellphone chin-shoulder pinch hold (which immediately shifts you to quarter-speed) and slowly shuffled her bugaboo around to go in. Lovely.
Then she blindly opened the very thick and heavy wood door while kinda kick-shifting the stroller around and BLAM the corner of the door TOTALLY clocks the toddler square on the forehead. I’m pretty sure I heard the sound of two billiards balls smacking. It was the kind of connection that was so pure that obviously the kid didn’t feel anything right away. You know when the pain starts at 140% but your body only starts registering the pain at 100%? The kid had a very WTF mom look for about 2 seconds while my expression was frozen in a wince for the mother’s educational benefit. She followed my face to her kid who at that very moment started to scream like there was no tomorrow.
I’m not going to lie to you, it was kinda awesome.
It’s not the kid’s fault and as far as I know he’s a nice normal kid but let’s not forget he belongs to his mother and therefore seeing the mother experience both hardship AND property damage was a fine conclusion to the episode. That and I took the moment to slip in first.
Does this make my a bad person? Yes but I’m cool with that.
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Why is that place always so lousy with stay-at-home yuppie moms and their monster-truck strollers? They all must have read the same book that told them that one reliable way to gain a few developmental percentiles is to feed their kids dosas.
And in the next scene, that mother juggles cell phone and venti and ends up dumping scalding coffee all over the kid.
There’s a restaurant in SF that charges SUVs more for valet parking than for regular cars. I think any person who clogs up coffee shops with their double-wide strollers with the SUV chassis should be charged more for their coffee.
I agree — please enter into politics.
It’s mothers like this that give all of us a bad name– we’re not all so self-absorbed, I swear. Oh, and I would have laughed my ass off if I’d seen this.
Heh. Heh heh. Well, you know what the Bible says - the sins of the mothers will be visited upon the children. IT WAS GOD’S WILL.
I have two kids, I was on the UWS this week buying an iPhone, for God’s sake, but I swear, if fate hadn’t intervened, I’d gladly have hit at least the mom for you.
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