Creating this wasn’t probably the best way to spend 2 hours but who can say no when the siren song of a football in the groin comes calling?

This has been a Hans Olo Moleman production.

Today I celebrated the total and complete destruction of Live Journal with the purchase of a Snuggie.

Mood: Happy.

Why is being unemployed awesome? It’s because instead of doing meaningful work for pay I spend my time creating stuff like this. Who loves Vince? I love Vince.

Unemployment — “my loos YOUR gain!”

Walked past this Christmas tree put out for collection today. The local mailman also stopped by and we had a brief conversation about this where I decided the tree had free will and he decided the person who owned it was probably a nut job. Another pic of the tree and a couple other shots from today are on Flickr.

It started with the gift of a bottle of champagne. It ends…in a manner that’s embarrassing for everyone. Dave gets really drunk; Tara doesn’t, and Dave is very resentful about it.

This is the worst podcast ever. There’s about nine people who will enjoy this. This is what happens when someone who has never drunk does so. If you want a preview of the level of discourse available in this epic failure you can read this drunken blog post made just after the podcast.

Here’s the drunken Tweet and the Facebook status update was: David is capable of making drunken facebook face washing. That’s a spicy meatball! TARA LIES WITH HER ANTI DRINKING POWERS.

The podcast is provided as-is without edits, without music or intro but with plenty of unentertaining pauses and screaming. I would also like to apologize to the seven people we drunk dialed.

This is how it started:

And this is how it ended:

Soerry I didn’t notice the all caps thing was on. I am verydrunk and i am not stopping to fix my mistmakes as I try to make this blog post. I’m sure that you are interested in how drunk a guy who never drinks can get on the new years eve and I’m here to tell you that I am super drunk. Right now I’m thinking about whether not I have facilities to add a graphic to this post like I usually do so sorry if that does work out but hey you get graphics with very other post do you not?! Ha interrobang. So Tara is not drunk but I am very so. I think Tara lies about not drinking obvisouly oops obviously she drinkin at bar when I’,m not around. Boooo. 

Tara just said that people are facebooking my drunk dials. They don’t know the historical signifcance of what just happened. It was the interrsection of awesome and me and drinking. One day Pamie will be sad she wasn’t around to take the call. Pamie was probably out making a skirt.

Well this has been a stupid experiemtn. I’m happy right now but I’m making a total ass  of myself and I know it but I have lost the hing that tell me to not blog about it it. My loos YOUR gain.

I am going to bed now. I can’t stop miving around and when I stand up I want to dance. I feel like the drunk chick from Winnipeg fro kids in the hall. Tara is not drunk. What up with that?

I gotta call Keckler now. BYe

I created this in the hopes that someone will make it because it would be the best cologne ever and would net you so much tail your junk would fall off.

How have I gone two years without seeing this UK ad? Brilliant.

You can buy Obama Fries, an Obama Burger (or Obama Cheeseburger), an Obama Cone, Obama Coffee, and pay for it all with money out of their Obama ATM.

What you can’t buy is Obama socks because they are all sold out of those. Why is this place selling socks? WTF? Check out Obama’s cone. Stylin’.

Cat ordered an Obama Coffee and got the guy to Obamaize it with the worst, least round “O” in the world. 

If you need Obama food you can find it on Avenue A near 10th. Bigger pics on Flickr.

After a brief discussion of something that came out of Dave’s ear, Tara and Dave move on to discussing their aborted trip home for Christmas, all the horrendously unhealthy foods they’ve spent the week eating, the audiences with whom they’ve “enjoyed” the week’s big Oscar-baiting movies, and — finally, and most thrillingly — seek the advice of the O+ listeners with regard to their plan to do the New Year’s Eve podcast drunk on champagne.

Stee made this about this. Expect for the office setting it is pitch perfect.

This isn’t about what you like best. This is about defaults people!

I love me some Abraham Lincoln. From Fffffound.

Things start off quiet enough with discussion of the ultra-gooey, ultra-violent killfest that is Punisher: War Zone, Tara’s love of twenty-five cent snacks at work, company lunches and the resurgence of Mullendash in the Twitter age. Then we get to talking about clothes and closets and the fucking gloves came off. Did Tara forget to mention on the podcast that a new purse arrived in the mail not an hour before recording? Why I do think she did.

Choose your answer by number in public Twitter with #md. Once all 9 people have guessed I’ll tally up! Don’t give away wrong answers until the voting is up! Good to see people haven’t lost their Mullen-Fu.

The Mullenism Part 1

TRU CALLING - A fox series about a woman who can change the future.

The Mullenism Part 2

1. Can she keep her own series from getting cancelled?
2. Coincidentally, Jessica Simpson is working on a show about a woman who can change the past. It’s called, “I Knew It Was Tuna, Y’all.”
3. Oh no, does that mean she can go forward in time and make me watch it?
4. If it never gets canceled we’ll know she really can.
5. Jessica Simpson thinks it’s a reality show, wants to be a guest star to find out what kind of puppy Nick’s getting her for Christmas.
6. Was she able to predict that missing letter E?
7. Except the show’s speedy cancellation.
8. Big deal.  I’m looking for the woman who can cancel ‘American Idol.
9. But can she change her name to something that isn’t a pun?
10. From the looks of Eliza Dushku’s cleavage in the pilot, she can also change the boob-ture.

From Shot for Meat.

Attention my Mullendashian peeps on Twitter! In the next day or two (probably not today, I am sick) I’ll send out the first part of the Mullendash binary. Then you all direct message me (d glark message) with your answers. I will collect all the answers, randomize and repost. Then you guess out in the open! Then I score! Then the kudos!

It’ll be a casual process, you don’t need to be around at the moment it starts, a round will probably take a day so sit back and relax.

Let’s add #md to our Mullendash tweets.

Update: I have located the rules sheet I did! Enjoy.

Oh, Japan you are twelve kinds of fucked up all at once, aren’t you?

Alkulukuja Paskova Karhu makes learning fun. Go.

Beautiful Decay

Fantastic collection of photos of abandoned hospitals, schools and other places. Go.

Dead Soda Tribute

Pepsi sure did have a lot of retarded flavours. Go.

Tonight’s Nightmare

Barbie! Go.

Host a movie night featuring the finest in the Schwarzenegger catalog — Commando, Predator and Total Recall. Delight in the awesomeness that is Arnold. At some point offer to make popcorn with your new hot air popper. Once in kitchen you can tell everyone to “get to the poppa!”

Oh they will laugh and laugh and the moment will be remembered fondly for years to come. As soon as you deliver this bon mot you are free to ask everyone to leave as the rest of the night can only go downhill from there.

Our house hippo finally pulled its weight today when something was needed to keep a hardwood flooring repair job down for a couple hours. His little house hippo feet were perfectly positioned for the planks put down by the repair dude. Way to go house hippo!

Found on the internet.

I am a choreographer. That’s what I do. You are cheerleaders. Cheerleaders are dancers who have gone retarded. What you do is a tiny, pathetic subset of dancing. I will attempt to turn your robotic routines into poetry, written with the human body. Follow me, or perish, sweater monkeys.

Happy birthday to my favourite person in the whole universe. You’ve been there in good times and in bad. Through trials and triumphs and moments of doubt. Without you — without your strength and resolve — I wouldn’t be complete. You can take my breath away with a glance and move objects around the room with a mysterious power I don’t understand. I love you Darth Vader Tara.

Turkey Head Lady on Columbus Avenue wishes you all a happy Thanksgiving weekend.

It’s that time of the year again. When Canadians in the U.S. watch as Americans go ape shit bananas over Thanksgiving. In Canada, Thanksgiving is on America’s Columbus Day and it passes with about as much fanfare. It’s not a huge thing. It’s weird how Thanksgiving is a bigger deal than Christmas here. To paraphrase Marge Simpson, I’m going to call the encyclopedia people about that — it feels like a mistake.

Anyways I’m not complaining. I’ve got 4 days off with no commitments and Tara is back in Toronto for a visit with the Kwan clan before she starts her new gig on the first. That means it is time for not showering, playing lots of videogames until 8am and eating all the food Tara doesn’t like. Maybe I’ll order in falafel tonight. Who’s going to stop me? No one, that’s who.

Here’s what went down after closing time on Wednesday:

6:00pm: Ventured out to Hampton Chutney Co. for my daily masala chai fix. Pretty much everyone there starts pouring the chai before I get to the counter now. One of the clerks always says “here you go my dear.” Who says “my dear” and is under 70 these days? She does and it’s very endearing.

6:30pm: Left 4 Dead session started with Adventures in Troubleshooting and Port Forwarding.

6:45pm: Survived the zombie apocalypse on the fourth attempt. In most zombie apocalypse scenarios you’d think you wouldn’t get more than one chance. Well, you thought wrong.

8:15pm: Ordered a pizza from Broadway Pizza via Seamless Web in attempt to find something on the UWS that a) delivers and b) does disappoint and c) isn’t soggy. I have mentioned here that Seamless Web is awesome? It’s the first online ordering system for restaurants that actually accounts for 99% of the quirks of a real menu (and quirks of the customer’s special instructions). Seamless Web, I’m pimping your wares. You owe me something!

9:00pm: Pizza arrives!

9:15pm: Pizza disappointment! Not soggy for once but oh so bland. I can’t believe I’m missing Ontario pizza. This is New York! WTF!?

9:30pm: Team Fortress 2 time. It’s noob night so I had to yell at people a lot in my not-mad-just-disappointed father voice.

11:45pm: Remembered I had a few photos that needed uploading to Flickr.

12:20am: Time for more videogames. Played more Left 4 Dead with Omar G. and some Videogamey folks. I really suck playing as a zombie. I consider that extra incentive to not bitten by other zombies. It’ll make me a better human survivor. Also I’m a little worried about Omar. He kept stepping into my line of fire. I think he might be trying to commit in-game suicide.

3:00am: Wondering how long I can delay putting new bags in the garbage and recycling bins. It takes five seconds but I think I can outlast the bins. Going to go to bed and see where me and the bins stand in the morning.

It’s been awhile! Let’s catch up on apartment renovations you probably don’t care one fig about, L.A. douchebags you want to know about, what movies we’ve been seeing, what stupid TV shows we’ve given up on and as if that wasn’t enough to bore you to death… Tara farts twice! TWICE!

*(oO)=p

Unfortunately I have found occasion to be using far too often recently.