We were up until 5am last night. We played some co-op Super Mario Galaxy (why does Mario sodomize the rabbits when he catches them?) then watched our Netflix’ed copy of Last King of Scotland (don’t have sex with the wife of an Ugandan dictator). We were about to call it an night but then I spotted Mansquito on Sci-Fi. We never got Sci-Fi’s horrible made-for-TV movies up in Canada so I made some popcorn and settled in.
In short (and it really can’t be long anyways) Mansquito is about a serial killer who is shipped off to a pharmaceutical company for human experiments on a cure for a new supervirus being spread by mosquitos. Things go wrong. He and the lab lady are exposed to super blue goo and he turns into Mansquito quickly while she turns into Ladysquito slowly. The rest of the movie is Manquisto killing and feeding and waiting for Ladysquito to completely transform so they can bump uglies (bonus: Parker Lewis is the detective and husband of Ladysquito!).
Okay so at the start of the movie when the prisoner is shipped to the drug company’s research facility there’s an lengthy exchange about the transfer paperwork. I’m paraphrasing here:
Prison Guard: We’re here with the prisoner.
Drug Guard: Bring the prison to the front desk for processing.
Prison Guard: O.K.
Drug Guard: Here is the paperwork. Please sign this first then this then initial here.
Prison Guard: I’m uncomfortable signing this personal waiver, I wasn’t told about that.
Drug Guard: It’s a standard clause nothing to worry about.
Prison Guard: O.K. now you sign these for me confirming delivery of the prisoner.
Drug Guard: O.K.
Prison Guard: Alright. Where do we take him? Downstairs to the lab.
Drug Guard: (starts to walkaway with the clipboard) No, no. The transfer paperwork needs to stay up here at the front desk.
Prison Guard: O.K.
Then at the end of the movie after the Mansquito family is dispatched (that was a spoiler) the detective narrates a little ditty about how Ladysquito sacrificed herself (that was a spoiler) to kill Mansquito (spoiler!) and save the world from that virus (spoiler!) and how this wasn’t an end of things but just the start a new chapter. Then the credits roll. Whaaa? No little shot of a Babysquito. No shot of some shady street vendor making popsicles out of the blue goo. No shot of some clutch of Familysquito eggs. Just “it’s a new beginning despite everything being neatly wrapped up!” Bullshit! We DEMAND Mansquito clarity! Why are we spending 18 minutes on prisoner transfer paperwork and then end like this? Booooooo! Booooooo!
My suggestions for the next in the ManX series:
- MANatee - The story of a half-man, half-sea cow who terrorizes anyone at Marineland who happens to slip into his unescapable water tank. Unescapable… or is it? (It is.) (Spoiler)
- ManaTEA - The story of a half-man, half-cup of Earl Grey tea who patiently waits on a tea service tray and then scolds its victims with piping hot Englishness.
- MANatee vs. ManaTEA - You knew it would come to this! MANatee wins (spoiler).
5 Comments
One detail Dave forgot to mention was that as the opening credits were rolling, he noted, “It took three people to write this thing. One to write the man parts, one to write the mosquito parts, and…?”
“One to write about the woman he looooved.”
It was directed by a man named Tibor.
INSTANT CLASSIC
Sounds like the kind of guy who would “put it in ‘H’.”
He gets forty hectares to a single tank of kerosene!
Wow, I guess Parker Lewis (wait for it… WAIT FOR IT…) really can lose.
Yep, I said, deal with it and move on.
I’d always wondered what happened to him.
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