O+ 36: Vampire Baseball
Posted on Jul 8, 2009 in O+, Photos

When the Embarrassing Movie Series returns once again to the options on offer via Pay-Per-View, something horrible happens: one guy notices that Twilight is an option, and convinces the other two dudes to vote for it, over the objections of the one woman in the room. If you’ve seen Twilight, you can probably guess how much everyone enjoyed it — but let Dave, Tara, and guest stars Joe Reid and Will Edmondson tell you all about it.
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Ok, about Twilight… I read the book thinking I would hate it but it really is crack in book form. That being said, the movie is really really REALLY bad. The movie lacks a critical element that makes the book work: the book is in first person. You can really feel Bella. And make fun of her, because she can be really stupid.
I was looking forward to the movie, but five minutes in, I knew I would hate it. And don’t get me started on Robert Pattinson.
I don’t believe you!
Dumbledore’s gay lover was Gellert Grindelwald. Tara, being an English major and all, will surely note the alliteration going on there. JKR is subtlety herself compared to whatsherface.
You guys never said why you were licking Big Red wrappers and sticking them on your forehead (although I figured it had something to do with inflicting physical pain), so I had to Google “Big Red wrapper.” It was only after seeing questions like “Why does it burn when I lick a Big Red wrapper and put it on my skin?” on Yahoo! Answers that I realized that the real question should be “Why would anyone lick a gum wrapper, no matter the brand, and stick it on their forehead to begin with?” I’m not a 23 year-old male, so there might never be an answer that satisfies me.
I know, it just sorta happened. I’m afraid there’s no dots to connect here on the Big Red wrapper front.
Look, I’m not saying I’m proud that I know the secrets of Big Red gum’s wrappers…but I’m not not proud that I know them either.
Also — Thank you Kristina! Grindelwald, of course! I feel like a moron. That must mean that it’s time to read those books again.
That Big Red segment was something of a backdoor pilot for our new show “Dave & Will: Boys.” Tara and I will be producing.
Dave’s Billy Crudup-as-J. Edgar Hoover voice nearly made me drive off the rode this afternoon. (That was the most amusing part of Public Enemies–that and Johnny Depp’s high definition pores.) Can you please do the whole podcast in that voice? I’ll get you a puppy if you do.
Will, I just powered through 6 and 7 in anticipation of the movie, which (geeking out) looks awesome. So yeah, it was at the top of my mind. And oh, I’m Joe Reid’s age, so I don’t know if that makes my love for the books sad or still ok. But yeah.
Joe, the one I want to see is your backdoor pilot for your show “Backdoor Pilot.”
Yeah, I can’t wait for “Half-Blood Prince” either. And as for ageism, I waive my prejudice on behalf of Harry Potter fans.
I understand the consensus is that Robert Pattinson is a poor, pasty, unattractive teen vampire. Was he more appealing as Cedric Diggory in Harry Potter 4? Or less? I need to know.
Best quote re: Twilight movie: “But where’s the fucking??”
I think the distinction is screentime, as well as the nature of the parts. Diggory is meant to be a good-natured, everyone-likes-him guy, and when you’re playing back to the other three stars (four, if you count Malfoy), you’re not as noticed. His death could be affecting without him having made a huge impact either way, because so much of what’s pivotal there is his complete innocence, and Harry’s guilt.
In Twilight (which I admittedly haven’t seen) his role seems to be more of the “I’m so intense and broody, swoon before me!” which very few people can pull off, if any. Add the reversa-tan they clearly applied liberally, and it’s not looking good for the guy.